Avoidance

I honestly don't know if I'm letting you avoid me, or if I'm avoiding you, or if there's really any difference, practically speaking. Either way sucks. I want to see you, so much. Maybe I'll get a chance tomorrow, we'll see. Definitely have to text you, at any rate.

I'm hoping… I'm hoping we're both doing the same thing. That we both got a bit spooked, our apparent willingness to bring up things which some might consider… questionable… in front of a third party.

I thought, as I was saying it, that I had screwed up. I still think so, possibly. I think I misheard you, I thought that's what you were taking about, but my car stereo was still turned up too loud (I mean, who really ever wants to turn down Let's Dance, anyways?). Maybe I misheard. I felt like maybe I misheard as I was talking. I felt like maybe I was walking myself into a big pile of mud, but I had already started and couldn't stop.

But then he said you were telling him about it. So, maybe I didn't mishear? I dunno. It sucks that we haven't found a way to just talk about these things. Just… I've been tearing myself up since then trying to figure out what has happened.

I don't want to avoid you. I want you here, now, next to me. But I don't want to make you uncomfortable, either, so… I leave you alone.

Just… wish we could talk. Just… wish you really were here reading these so you would know. Just… I miss you, lol, even though I frequently go this long or much longer without seeing you.

Just… don't want to bother you. Don't know if you'd really welcome a message from me, right now. But I will always welcome any kind of communications from you. I love hearing from you, no matter how. Text? Love it. Hearing your voice? God, do I love it. A like on some random old FB post of mine? Hell, I'd even take that.

Hope this is over soon. I miss you.